Sunday, July 19, 2015

That Day Again

Today has been a hell of a useless day. Well, no day is useless. Let me rephrase that. Today, I was useless. I didn't write "10th Commandment." I didn't attend my class. I didn't talk to any of my real life friends. I didn't do my job. And I'm writing this blog post at 4:19A.M. Yes, the insomnia is back. The worst part of it is I'm actually happy about all of these.

This happens to me once every month. Tomorrow, I'll be back to normal. This is the feeling of escaping everything I've been doing, and hiding from everyone I've been talking with to just try out different things. I bet other people who are like me go through this mood also.

It's pretty unbelievable how I've managed to maintain a blog in 4 months, because I actually have fear of blogging. Every time I blog, I feel that the whole world can see inside my head. It's like even when I'm not blogging and even when I don't tell anyone about them, everything I see and every emotion I feel is being observed by everybody else. Of course, in reality, this does not happen. No one is a psychic. If there truly are psychics, I don't think they'd be interested in my head, or in this blog.

The good side of blogging is it allows me to get to know who really reads what I write, and learn how to write better. It reminds me of the chicken that my family raised when I was a kid. His name was Eureka.

We raised him on his own, away from all chickens. He grew up to be a wonderful rooster, but he didn't know how to crow. He only produced tiny sounds that didn't sound like a chicken. It was only when he met another rooster that he learned how to crow. It's quite similar to me. Blogging gets me closer to the world of writing, and it teaches me how to write better. With "write better," I mean writing in a way that can be understood by the majority of readers, and not writing in a way that can be understood only by either Twitter fans, or Harvard alumni. (New writers are always warned to "don't write like a university book.")
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